The lessons my family and I learned over the past few months have reshaped how I view my life going forward.
Growing up, I feared death. I was scared of the permanent absence of someone you hold dear. The memories left unwritten. The time that could have been spent but was wasted.
Through this experience, I fear death a little less. I have also seen firsthand what really matters in the end.
Seize the Day
Like many Hawaii senior citizens, Las Vegas was the destination of choice for my grandfather. He went every three months, lured by the complimentary accommodations, food, and of course, the craps table.
I would accompany him about once a year, but even into his late 80s he made the trip on his own. At 89 years old, I knew there were only a handful of trips left where he could do so independently.
In October, my grandfather fell outside and was briefly hospitalized. After several tests, doctors diagnosed him with prostate cancer. Once he was stable and back home, I went over to his house and said, “Let’s plan a trip.”
Although I hoped we would still be able to go back again, I treated November’s visit as if it were our last. I made a conscious effort to enjoy every moment.
We rarely know when “this time” will be the last time. Taking that trip helped me reconcile with his passing.
I can only imagine the guilt I would have felt had I not made time for him. Most of us do not get clear warning. My hope is that you make time while you can.
Family Finds a Way
As a financial advisor, I often talk about having funds set aside for end-of-life expenses. Nursing costs. Medical bills. Final arrangements. These are real, and they can be significant.
I still believe that planning matters and that preparation reduces stress.
But what I witnessed over the past few months added a new perspective.
When the moment comes, families find a way.
Priorities shift. Conversations that once felt difficult become necessary. Decisions are made with love and the right guidance. It may not be perfect, but problems get solved and challenges are overcome.
In moments like this, money becomes a tool, not the centerpiece.
What cannot be manufactured at the last minute is time.
Time Is the True Asset
This experience reminded me that time is the most valuable asset we have.
Last year, Travis and I read Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman. In it, Burkeman notes that if we are lucky enough to live to 80, we get roughly four thousand weeks on this earth.
At 89 years old, that number stopped feeling abstract.
For most of my life, I operated under the quiet assumption that there would always be more time. More trips. More years. More opportunities.
The diagnosis hit me like cold water. It created the urgency to book the flights and make the arrangements.
While my grandfather’s life was recently measured in weeks rather than years, this was a sobering reminder that our lives are just as finite. The math applies to all of us, even if we prefer not to think about it.
Travis and I now make lighthearted reminders to see our aging parents as much as we can. The number of visits left is probably less than we assume.
Final Thoughts
Writing this allows me to reflect on the experience and remind myself what matters most at the end of life.
It also serves as a call to action.
Take the trip.
Invest in your family.
Tell those close to you how much you love them.
There will come a day when these actions are no longer possible. In the end, what matters most is who you made time for.
Scott H. Tonai CFP®
Wealth Manager, Director of Retirement Plans
Investment advisory services offered through Andrews Advisory Associates LLC, a registered investment advisor. This blog is not meant to give investment advice. Before investing in any advisory product please carefully read any disclosure documents, including without limitation, the firm’s Form ADVs. The information herein is provided for informational purposes only, and does not constitute an offer, solicitation or recommendation to sell or an offer to buy securities, investment products or investment advisory services. Nothing contained herein constitutes financial, legal, tax, or other advice. These opinions may not fit your financial status, risk and return profile or preferences. Investment recommendations may change, and readers are urged to check with their investment adviser before making any investment decisions.
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