Reflections on Commitment

What 66 Years of Marriage Taught Me About Relationships and What Truly Matters

2026 has been a year I'll never forget.

Earlier this year, I wrote about finding caregivers and navigating the loss of my grandparents. In July, our family gathered one final time for their burial, bringing that chapter to a close.

My grandparents passed away in February, just a few weeks apart from each other. While losing them has been difficult, it has also given me time to reflect, not only on my relationship with them, but on the remarkable relationship they shared with each other.

Scott's grandparents

Beyond being wonderful grandparents, they were the model of what I view as a happy marriage. Were there disagreements behind the scenes? I'm sure. No relationship is perfect. But over 66 years together, they taught me a few lessons that I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.

Family First

I never had to wonder where my grandparents' priorities were.

If anyone in our family needed help, they were the first to step forward.

Their phone number was the first one I ever memorized (I still use it today for my Safeway discounts). My grandma would almost always answer on the second ring, as if she had been expecting my call.

Whether it was checking our mail while we were away or patiently teaching me how to drive (sorry, Grandma), they never made helping family feel like an obligation. It was simply what they did.

Their actions showed me that love is expressed just as much through everyday acts of service as it is through words. At the end of the day, I always knew who had my back.

Service to Others

That same love extended well beyond our immediate family.

As I've spoken with relatives and longtime family friends over the past several months, I've realized just how many lives they quietly touched.

They organized family dinners, opened their home to relatives visiting from out of town, and always seemed willing to help however they could. Their home was rarely just their home. It became a place where family and friends knew they would always be welcomed.

Their generosity wasn't something they talked about. It was simply how they lived.

Undying Commitment

One of my favorite memories is celebrating their wedding anniversaries.

From their 40th anniversary (which I can barely remember) to their 66th, every year felt like another remarkable milestone.

I always joked with my grandpa about the love letters he wrote to my grandma. Words like "dearest" and "sweetest" seemed impossible coming from the 89-year-old Japanese man I knew.

But the words that flowed so freely in his youth never stopped flowing from his heart.

Even as prostate cancer weakened his body, his focus remained on my grandmother. More than anything, he wanted to make sure she would be okay.

In many ways, his commitment to her never changed. I think it was a blessing that she passed before he did because even as his own health declined, his heart remained fixed on caring for her.

What This Means to Me

Life reminds us that some lessons have nothing to do with money.

This is one of those moments.

There's a quote that has stayed with me for years:

"A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in."

Every time I read it, I think of my grandparents.

They planted countless seeds through their kindness, generosity, and commitment to others. The lives they touched continue through their children, grandchildren, and everyone fortunate enough to have known them.

I hope to live the same way.

I hope the conversations I have, the work I do, and the people I help leave the world a little better than I found it. Whether that's through my family, my friendships, or the clients I have the privilege of serving, I hope those small actions grow into something that lasts far beyond me.

I know the world is a better place because my grandparents were in it.

I can only hope that someday the same will be said about me.

Scott H. Tonai CFP®

Wealth Manager, Director of Retirement Plans

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