What Are You Supposed to Be?
Aligning the masks we put on with our true selves.
I had a random childhood memory that’s been stuck in my head for a few days now.
If I had to get rid of any holiday from my childhood, it would probably be Halloween. First of all, does it even qualify as a holiday? And secondly, the thought of having to pick a costume still sends dread down my spine.
As someone who has always been hyperconscious of my outward appearance, I understood the weight and gravity of picking a costume. In my mind, your costume said a lot about who you were. Your interests. Your personality. What you identified with.
I probably put way too much thought into what other people would think about me. Unfortunately, I still do, but that’s another story.
Suffice it to say, I was terrible at picking Halloween costumes. So from about 10 to 12 years old, I just picked the easiest thing I could get my hands on.
It ended up being an even worse idea.
Instead of something recognizable like Spider-Man or even a Power Ranger, I chose to wear a paintball mask.
It solved a few problems. One, and most importantly, it covered my face. Two, it didn’t cost me anything because I already had it.
The memory that keeps coming back isn’t actually choosing the costume. It’s walking from house to house while trick-or-treating and constantly being asked the same question:
“What are you supposed to be?”
In my awkward prepubescent state, I struggled to come up with an answer. I’d mutter something unintelligible, take my candy, and leave.
I’m sure the adults were just as confused as I was.
What Is Your Money Supposed to Be?
If you’ve made it this far, you may be wondering what any of this has to do with financial planning.
Part of me just wanted to get this memory out of my head. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it’s surprisingly similar to a conversation we have with clients all the time.
What Are You Supposed to Be?
In our meetings, we talk about goals, cash flow, investments, and upcoming expenses. But underneath many of those conversations, we’re asking someone’s money and accounts a version of that same question:
“What are you supposed to be?”
Sometimes it's $100,000 sitting in a checking account. Other times it's a stock that has appreciated so much that we're paralyzed by the tax consequences of selling it.
Similar to the adults handing me candy, I'm looking at these accounts and asking, "What are you?"
Rather than letting the money hide behind a mask or remain undefined, I like to pinpoint exactly what it's there to accomplish.
If it's for an immediate expense or an emergency, keeping that money in a bank account or money market fund may make sense.
If it's for a long-term goal, like an infant's college education or retirement, taking some amount of investment risk may be warranted.
Like choosing a costume, identifying the money's purpose is the first step toward figuring out what it should look like.
Identifying Ourselves
Twenty years later, I can turn the question around and ask the adults:
“What are you supposed to be?”
Someone might tell me they want to retire at 60.
Okay, but what does retirement actually look like?
Do you want to travel? Sit at home and watch TV all day? Work part-time? Volunteer? Spend most of your assets during your lifetime? Leave the house to your kids?
Sometimes I can see a little of that awkward 12-year-old kid in all of us as we try to articulate what we actually want.
And I empathize with that.
Retirement can feel a little like picking a Halloween costume. Some people know exactly what they want to be, and that's great. Others need some time to think about it.
The last thing you want is to be like me, standing there trying to mutter your way through explaining what you are while collecting your social security - I mean candy.
Answering these planning questions can help us move from vaguely knowing what we're "supposed" to do toward confidently articulating what we actually want.
Choosing Your Costume
Looking back, I don't think my problem was that I couldn't choose a costume.
I think it was that I couldn't articulate what I wanted to be.
Choosing something would have required a little courage and probably some embarrassment. But it also would have left me with better memories and, at the very least, a few laughs.
I think there's a lesson in that beyond Halloween.
It's easy to build our lives around what we're supposed to be.
We're supposed to buy a house. We're supposed to save a certain amount. We're supposed to retire at a certain age. We're supposed to leave money to our children.
Maybe those things are right for you.
Maybe they're not.
The important part is deciding for yourself.
Because once we understand what we're trying to become, it becomes much easier to align our money and our actions with getting there.
It's better to choose your own costume than to let someone else choose it for you.
Especially if no one understands what you're supposed to be.
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